LIGHT BOUND, Ch. 7, Pt. 1

All Paths Lead In

Past lives

Past lives played a major part in my current one. According to various religious beliefs and reading that I have done on the subject, we repeat patterns from past lives until we clear them. People say karma is a bitch, and they’re right in way. Many believe it decides our fate, the effect from cause. However, in a way that definition doesn’t feel right to me because it implies disempowerment. It defines our existence as one of a puppet, led about by a fate that we are powerless to change. 

I would argue strongly against this view. Once we awaken to our power, and we begin to choose consciously, we change our very existence. Choice is the absolute greatest power that I have. Over the course of my life, I will make countless decisions, each affecting my life in ways both great and small. Sometimes the simplest choices have the greatest impact on the quality of my life. 

Once I began to consciously choose to travel my own unique spiritual path and to decide to forgive myself, I began to wield incredible power, a power that changed fate. I took control of my destiny and shaped it according to my choices. Obviously, I might not always like my choices, but whether “good” or “bad,” they are mine, and I get to make them.

Each time I journeyed inward, I discovered so much about myself including a rich tapestry of previous lives, and many times the same mistakes and choices. Once I forgave myself for repeating these choices that didn’t serve my deepest and highest good and began to slowly assimilate and make connections with behaviors and choices that I exhibit in this life, many of the things that I subconsciously did or felt faded and were far easier to let go. Patterns of past lives fully cleared helped me more easily change those patterns in this life.

Some of the past lives came up in meditations or dreams. Some were but a snapshot, accompanied by an intuitive knowing. Others were like watching video clips. While still others are simply faint echos. I know I was involved with druidry but that’s all. With each of the past lives I learned something for which I needed to forgive myself and let go. 

Occasionally, a person I had wronged or who had wronged me would stop by to either forgive me or be forgiven. It is always rather odd to have someone that you don’t know, but at the same time do pop in for a chat on forgiveness and just as quickly disappear never to be heard from again. The ghosts of my past come calling.

It all serves the purpose of healing. As I received impressions, I journaled about them:

1400s Daub and wattle hut near the scene of a battlefield in England. In my early thirties with long, tangled hair in a long coarse, woolen dress, I tried to help these four soldiers, who had been injured in the battle. Instead of running away from the battle, I chose to stay in my home, where I felt safe. The soldiers raped and murdered me. The lesson: forgive myself for not following my intuition and hiding from the soldiers.

1500s Queen Elizabeth’s court: I was a lady in waiting, who wanted power. I was banned from court. After the banishment I lead a very hard life and died in childbirth. Lesson: forgive myself for wanting power and using my beauty as a weapon. Forgive myself sacrificing others’ wellbeing to get power – no integrity.

1600s  England: A nine year-old peasant child whose throat was slit because she saw the village priest do something with a woman that he shouldn’t have. She spoke what she saw. Labeled evil. Lesson: forgive others for not believing the truth; they didn’t want to hear it. Forgive myself for not listening to the hesitation that I felt to speak (intuition).

1800s England: A healer in a grey and blue homespun dress and apron, living in a stone house away from the village. Ostracized because she was feared, called a witch. Lesson: forgive myself for not being as I was meant to be, for fearing rejection. and for not being the healer that I was out of fear.

Late 1800s England: Elizabeth was her name, and she and I took a year-long voyage together. Born in England, she made many bad choices, hurting many, who called her friend, being hurt by many as she struck bargains to survive. Beautiful and charming, alluring and very intelligent, she enticed and married a wealthy businessman, who began to beat her when she was pregnant with their second child. Her husband was cold, controlling, ambitious, and not very ethical. After the birth of her daughter, she took her two children and fled to India. Her son and daughter were the first people she every truly loved, and she wanted to protect them. Years later, however, Elizabeth’s husband, who had hired investigators, tracked her and the children down. He took the children back to England after beating Elizabeth almost to death. She recovered. 

Elizabeth had friends, but she led a life of disappointment, bitterness, and misery. Lesson: forgive myself for all the bad choices that I made, and being forced at times to make bad choices because there weren’t any apparent better ones. Forgive myself for not being able to keep me and my children safe. 

I identified with Elizabeth the most. She was strong-willed, independent, a fiercely loving and devoted mother, and resilient. I had a lot to work through with that life, and I was so incredibly intrigued by her.

1960s America: A discontented librarian, who made a series of bad choices, became addicted to drugs, and overdosed. Lesson: forgive myself for bad choices.

1970s Current life: Mom and Dad didn’t want me; I was an accident – the dream killing kind that ruined my father’s doctoral pursuit. Lesson: forgive and let go.

Interestingly enough my mother and others always said I was born at the wrong time – pretty funny if I think about it. Mom would say to me, “You would have fit in Victorian England” and “You would have had so much fun in the 60s.” 

In my youth I loved all things English. I felt at home in long dresses, speaking with proper enunciation and pronunciation. I was prim, proper, and terribly uptight. Apparently, if I got a drop of water on my clothes as a little one, I would have a meltdown, and my entire outfit had to be changed right down to my stockings.

I also really loved the music of the 60s. To this day I still adore and can sing many of the songs. I spent most of my high school listening to the oldies radio station. The dances were so fun. 

My mother would sometimes grab my hand, and we would dance in our living room or kitchen as Maurice William and the Zodiacs, The Drifters, Mary Wells, and many other groups blared out from our radio. Those were good memories with my mom. She would always smile and light up whenever she got the chance to dance; a younger, fun-loving version of herself.

With each of the past lives, I was led to forgive myself so that I could let that past life energy go. As I let go of that energy, my journey took leaps forward.

I still found myself frequently pulled to Elizabeth’s life in both dream and meditation states and once in a while pondered tracing her life just to try to figure out why this past life had such a hold on me. What else could there be? It was mystifying.  

That is until the day that I met the daughter to whom Elizabeth gave birth. I will call Elizabeth’s daughter Eva as she deserves her privacy.

I saw this past life daughter’s picture on-line one day and had this incredible prompting to meet this person, who was a total stranger to me. I ignored the urging at first because, well, it’s frankly too weird. The urging just wouldn’t quit though, and I began to wonder – how would you even approach someone like this?

“Hey, you don’t know me, but I was your mother in a past life. Wanna have coffee and chat?”  

Seriously, I would think I was either being pranked or a very mentally disturbed person was contacting me. 

However, I kept getting the urge to call her, and finally I did. It turns out she is psychic, too, and a healer.

The phone conversation was one of the oddest ones I have ever had:

Hi, my name is Ashley Marshall-O’Dell. You may think I am completely crazy, and I would totally understand if you did. I am a healer and intuitive, and I had this past life in which you were my daughter. For some reason I keep being prompted by my intuition to meet you. I was wondering if you would like to get together. I don’t know the purpose or anything, and I am more than happy to come to your office, set up an appointment, and pay you for your time if you like. 

I didn’t say things that baldly, but probably pretty close.

Actually, it turned out that Eva was happy to meet me and was perfectly fine exchanging services rather than payment, which she let me know was an incredibly rare offer. 

Not knowing what to expect I made the trip. Arriving at her office where she does healing work, I wondered what she would be like and how I would talk to her, but she was lovely, warm, incredibly kind, and a very, very old soul. We talked for an hour and a half. 

As I shared the story of Elizabeth with her, Eva shared that she hadn’t recovered any of her past life memories from the last 150 years. As we talked, energy began to pass back and forth between us. Neither of us was directing it and suddenly above both our heads, energy almost like puzzle pieces entered through our crown chakras. We both began to remember more and more. She remembered what happened to her after her father came and took her away, including her marriage to an older, American businessman when she was still quite young as well as some of the particulars of that life.

We also talked about sacred geometry, which we both had begun studying at almost the same time, both of us working with the five Platonic solids, which was also interesting and odd, but seemingly irrelevant to the conversation. It wasn’t until later that I discovered the “puzzle-like” energy that entered my crown chakra was a download that was intimately tied to the five platonic solids.

At the end we hugged and said our goodbyes. We both received what we needed by being in each others’ presence. 

For Eva it was the recovery of past life memories, and for me it was finally being able to put Elizabeth’s past life to rest.

Eva and I haven’t spoken since, and I am content to let it be. It’s rather funny how many times that has happened with disembodied beings (ghosts), but I have to say that was the first time that it had happened with an embodied being – at least that I was aware of.

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