You can order your copy at http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/light-bound-a-healers-journey-through-trauma-c-ptsd-anxiety/26271631 or purchase it at The Crystal Crossroads in Newberg, Oregon.
LIGHT BOUND is my story of transformation – from not wanting to live to a life of bliss, contentment, joy, personal empowerment, and freedom.
When I became a student of my own life, I grew and healed – I opened to the wonders of learning about myself in a whole new way. Winding and unwinding, expansion and contraction: my journey was an awakening and an unfolding to the discovery of my essential self, my abilities, and my passionate purpose. The crazy dreams, the wild and weird, meditation visions, and the many archetypes and symbols helped me make connections. They showed me the way forward towards health, wellbeing, and happiness: FLOW.
It is my hope that in some small measure my story will help others, who suffer from trauma, C PTSD, and anxiety because we are often judge harshly, and we judge ourselves harshly. So, I embrace my vulnerability in sharing my story because when we share our stories, not just of our triumphs, but of our failures and our darkness, we learn that we are not the labels, nor the stories, nor our thoughts or emotions. We are so much more.
On Writing the Book
The writing of LIGHT BOUND didn’t begin as a book. It began as a painting – the book’s cover art in fact.
When I was meditating one morning, shortly after my daughter’s move to college, the tree of life symbol appeared along with a bunch of other symbols. I had a very strong urge to paint both the tree and the symbols. So, I did, finishing the painting in just over two days. It was a great reminder that even though the sun is setting on one part of my life, a new dawn is rising over another. I was transitioning out of being a full-time mother, and I was both sad and excited because my baby was grown up and beginning her own adventures.
A couple of days later, again during a meditation, I had the image of typing appear with a deep knowing that I was going to write a book about my journey. I didn’t know what the content would be exactly, only that my journals would be part of it as they, too, appeared in the meditation.
I admit the thought of writing a book brought up some anxiousness. I was neither a professional writer nor an editor.
However, the journals made the writing much easier as they contained a lot of material: crack, monkey Yoda and banshee dreams; the Incredible Hulk; my lingam; visiting ghosts and spirit guides; song playlists; and so much more. The journals were also filled with dream interpretations, research, insights, and drawings.
Over the last four years, I had read everything from sacred geometry to archetypes, physiology to quantum physics, and enneagram to shamanism to heal and better understand myself. Much of the reading cross referenced and a picture of the whole began to coalesce that made sense to me.
Once I began the writing of the book, many of the chapters simply flowed as if inspired. Some of the chapters were excerpts from my journals while others I struggled to write because putting into words the multifaceted healing work that I had done was complicated in the extreme.
The journey through the trauma, C PTSD, and General Anxiety Disorder was deeply emotional and incredibly challenging. I had to let go of so much: memories, feelings, beliefs, and pain – so much pain. With healing I was able to move forward from a place of not wanting to be here to a FLOW state.
Most of the journey’s focus was learning to love and value myself, learning to trust myself and my intuition, and releasing all of the ugly beliefs that I had about myself.
I was and am really proud of myself and all that I have accomplished over the course of the last four years. I have completely conquered the general anxiety disorder, by and large resolved the core issues related to the childhood traumas of mental, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, and brought my chronic post traumatic stress disorder under control. I was now ready to take the next leap forward: telling my story.
In just over five months, I finished writing the book. Even though I met the goal of writing and was very happy about it, having others, especially strangers, read it was not a happy feeling. Sharing my story publicly brought up shame that was related to what I had endured as a child. However, I was determined that I was going to proceed forward healthily, and so I began the process of healing the shame and fear attached to sharing my story. It took some deep work and a couple of months to process through it.
Healing has freed me in indescribable ways, and my journey to freedom was both empowering and transformative. Trascending the past helped me embrace the present.